I read two stories today about marriage.
First: A newly divorced man that was feeling the empty nest syndrome, both of his children are recently in college. He and his wife had been married 20+ years, raised a family, created a home, a life and “boom” divorce. That was his word….”boom”. I think I grew sensitive to this story because Jason uses the word boom quite a bit. Nevertheless, he was feeling the sting of separation from his wife, family, home and I could not help but wonder…twenty plus years and then boom. Why now? Why after 20 years?
Is it that they want a second shot at a new romance? The idea of falling in love again? Maybe they weren’t happy together anymore, maybe the days became monotonous. The questions are endless and it is impossible to speculate about someone else’s relationship. Even if there were clear cut answers, it would still leave me puzzled….20 plus years.
The second story is one of hardship, selfishness, love and acceptance. This story too left me puzzled.
A man that had been hard-working and very active all of his life was married to a woman that battled alcoholism, cancer, heart problems and many other things during her lifetime. Needless to say, she was not very active, spending most of her days sitting on a couch watching television. He did everything, all the chores, the grocery shopping, the laundry. Was this the woman he married? Probably not. Didn’t he want a better life? Didn’t he want some excitement in his life? Didn’t he just want to be free of this burden? Wouldn’t it be reasonable to understand why he would leave her?
And still he stood by her. He accepted her, he loved her no matter how hard it got….and he was by her bedside when she drew her last breath. She was his beloved wife. They stayed together till death do you part. Boom.
The age difference between the couples is significant. The first couple is in their forties while the latter are in their sixties. I have read and heard all sorts of reasoning regarding the divorce statistics. We live in a different time, people get caught cheating now because of the internet/emails/texting/FB, people are not meant to be in a monogamous relationship etc….Who knows. My parents are still together so are Jason’s and they did grow up in a different era. They worked hard and built a life together. When they said their vows they took them seriously and it meant something, it was more than just words. Words for my parents mean something – there is a little promise behind the words that they say.
I know because my Mom will chastise me. “Why did you tell her you were going to call her? – You won’t.” She is right. Going forward I will be more true to my word. If I RSVP yes – I go. If I say I am going to do something I will make every effort to do it. I won’t tell you that we should hang out when I know I don’t ever want to see you again. I don’t want my words to be little empty promises, I want them to count.
In three weeks, I will take a vow. I cannot forsee the future but I know in my heart that when I say the words, I will take them seriously. Afterall, a promise is a promise.
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